I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
