Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
