She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
