My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
