my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
