as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
