and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
