Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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