I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
