i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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