Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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