Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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