No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
