so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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