so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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