Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
be right there i have to get my cape
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
