Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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