It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
