if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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