dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
