Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
