i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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