i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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