I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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