I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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