I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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