I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
