I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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