He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
