dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
