really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
sarcasm needs its own font
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Two words: blizzard sex
These tits shall not be calmed
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
