The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
