I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
