we have pet lesbian snakes
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
