God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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