Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
