eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
