remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
