These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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