This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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