I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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