How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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