I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
