Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
