I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
