Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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