I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
