Betty ford says i'm here all night
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
