OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
