If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
