We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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