Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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