I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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