Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
