i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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