You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
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Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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