I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
