this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
