So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
