I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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