so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
