i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
