Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
